Whole Brain Integration in Hard Times
/As a coach, I hear stories from leaders facing difficult challenges. Often, their reactions to these situations stem from places deep in the subconscious. I’ve experienced this myself—feeling something intensely but struggling to articulate why. It’s only after meditation, journaling, or quiet reflection that I begin to uncover the root.
One story that has always stayed with me comes from The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel. As a new father, Siegel found himself emotionally withdrawing when his infant son cried. Though he loved his child, the sound deeply disturbed him—and he didn’t understand why. After some inner work, a long-buried memory resurfaced.
Years earlier, as a medical resident, he had been tasked with giving painful shots to children. The experience of causing distress in those kids had weighed on him emotionally, though he hadn’t processed it at the time. When his son cried, it triggered that unresolved pain. Once he recalled the memory, felt the emotions, and integrated the story, the crying no longer overwhelmed him. His past experience had been acknowledged, and the emotional hold it had on him loosened.
This story resonated deeply when I heard it. At the time, my daughter was four, and we were navigating a difficult moment of our own.
I had enrolled her in a weeklong outdoor education program. On the first day, we arrived at a blacktop where campers of all ages were gathering to board buses. As we walked through the crowd of high schoolers, most in costumes for the Dungeons and Dragons or Elves and Fairy themed adventures, I could feel my daughter tighten her grip on my hand. We passed other school-aged campers until we found the youngest campers huddled on a play mat in the far corner of the blacktop. I could see the fear in her face when I introduced her to the camp counselor. Settling her into her group, I told her how brave she was for trying something new and assured her that she would be well looked after.
When I picked her up from the camp, my daughter looked happy and excited. While her initial anxiety had subsided, I knew it was important to help her process her emotions from that morning. Siegel’s framework—based on how different parts of the brain interact—helped transform what could have become a fear of new situations into a moment of resilience and understanding.
Here’s a summary of the brain integration model that guided us:
Upstairs-Downstairs Brain Integration
Downstairs Brain: The reactive, survival-based brainstem and limbic system
Upstairs Brain: The rational, empathetic, self-aware prefrontal cortex
Under stress, the upstairs brain often goes offline. Integration means soothing the downstairs brain with empathy and self-compassion, then activating the upstairs brain to reflect and respond consciously.
Left-Right Brain Integration
Left Brain: Logical, literal, linear, linguistic
Right Brain: Emotional, intuitive, holistic
In tough moments, we may become flooded with right-brain emotion or shut down into left-brain logic. Integration involves honoring the emotion first (right brain), then telling the story (left brain) to create meaning. Both parts must be engaged to heal and grow.
That morning at camp drop-off, I helped my daughter calm her downstairs brain by supporting her through the transition and reassuring her that the day would be fun. This enabled her to access more of her upstairs brain. When she got home, we sat together and I gently asked her to tell me about her morning and how it felt. She shared that the older kids had frightened her at first, but that she found comfort in being with her new friends and counselors. By naming and understanding her emotions, she was able to move through the experience without letting fear define her.
As I coach leaders, I see this play out regularly. A client may bring a current workplace conflict to a session, only to uncover a longstanding pattern—like difficulty trusting others—that traces back to an early time. We don’t stay in the past, but we do invite the adult Self—grounded in wisdom and strength—to speak to the part of them that was hurt. That integration often shifts how they approach the present issue.
We all carry unintegrated stories just beneath the surface. Sometimes it takes a few thoughtful questions to unearth them.
What are you feeling?
What might this emotion be trying to tell you?
What’s beneath your current discomfort?
When we pause to reflect and honor our stories, we gain clarity. We reconnect with ourselves. And we unlock a new level of leadership—one rooted in wholeness rather than from our reactionary parts.